Studio 60

Danny: Graham, you are talented, you are a delight and if I may say so, you are a hot-buttered biscuit.
Lauren Graham: Why did you cut my sketch?
Danny: I think the thing to remember here is that it was me who cut the sketch. It was predisorial decision involving a number of technical factors, cameras, grips, a complicated metric of
Lauren (to Matt): Why did you cut my sketch?
Matt: It wasn’t funny.
Lauren: I thought it was funny!
Matt: Ack, the writing was funny but you weren’t very good.
Lauren: Really? Because I thought the writing was one unbearably long set-up for a jingle.
Matt: And that’s why I cut the sketch. You were in a number of wonderful sketches tonight including a hilarious send-up of your character on Callico Girls.
Lauren: Gilmore Girls.
Danny: I wrote it down for you!
Matt: This is my number if you ever feel like coffee or a basketball game or something and would you give a copy of this to the girl who plays your kid on the show too?
Lauren: Is sucking up to the host time over?
Danny: Sure, go enjoy the party.
<Lauren walks away and then walks back to take the piece of paper with Matt’s number on it>
Lauren: This is humiliating.

Danny and Jordan made a bet that he can’t take care of the “Real Care Baby” for a night.

Danny: Jordan?
Jordan: Hi.
Danny: Hi, I’ll get somebody to take you home.
Jordan: Where’s the baby?
Danny: Right here.
Jordan: Was everything alright?
Danny: You can write me that cheque for a hundred bucks.
Jordan: Yeah …. I think I’ll plug it up to the computer and find out for myself.
Danny: Be my guest.
Jordan: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! What was that?!?!
Danny: That never happened whilst I was taking care of it!
Jordan: What did you do to it?!
Danny: I’ll tell you what I did to it, okay! The baby was in an accident as babies sometimes are and I rushed it immediately to a doctor of some sort.
Jordan: What kind of accident?
Danny: A freak accident.
Jordan: What kind of freak accident?
Danny: It was decapitated in an 18th century French guillotine.
Jordan: Aha, and what kind of doctor?
Danny: Our prop master and our director of special effects,
Jordan: Danny!
Danny: Hey, these guys are the best in the business.
Jordan: His eyes flew out of his head!!!
Danny: They enjoy a practical joke.
Jordan: How did the baby get in the guillotine?
Danny: This is the part of the story where I get points. See you were sleeping here whilst I was working and I didn’t want the baby’s crying to wake you up.
Jordan: Alright, a couple points. What happened next?
Danny: So I asked Tom and Simon to take care of it.
Jordan: And I take the points back.
Danny: Fair enough and for sure I don’t think you have to give me the hundred dollars.
Jordan: Well, thank you. What am I going to practise with now?
Danny: Nothing. You’re going to be a great mother. You’re not going to be by yourself. I’m not going anywhere.
Jordan: Okay, good because between the two of us …
Danny: Well, now we know not to put the baby’s head in a guillotine.
Jordan: We knew that before.


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